Even though mid-october is a bit too early to reflect about an ongoing year, i can already look back and see how intense 2010 has been to me.
It’s been a year of discovering, exploring, tasting and, on wider terms, hunting, on a more general sense.
Hunting like a dog for its life, for its future, for its immediate supply.
It has been fun, teasing, exciting.
Actually, everything was purely bright and colourful a couple of weeks ago.
Life was wonderful and brilliant, as it was mirroring itself on exactly two years ago.
But far from being perfect, a few battles and heartbreaks after, some negative effects have started to show.
Earlier this week, for instance, the nights of the furiously frozen body showed what they were being a prologue to.
That same evil presence around me, that same feeling of being watched and controlled, taken over. It was there again.
Then I was screaming and running for safety, only to find a pair of terrified eyes… My last memory, before falling to the floor and waking up a couple of hours later, far from wherever I felt.
Little i remember from then. Just some flashes and unconnected scenes. Never before my memory failed so largely.
Health issues -- i now apparently have some relevant ones, so i’m working on indentifying and, well, battling them.
It was all just a scare, i guess.
Or a sign with more spiritual meanings… A presage.
How i wish, however, this was my only concern right now.
Then my dreams come to scene. So chased after this year.
I promise you, my dear reader, if i didn’t give my blood to them, i would sure have given, had i had the chance or the instant to.
Never before it all seemed so close. I could nearly touch them.
As i said, everything was painted on the deep and happy colours of good uncertainty.
Yes, sometimes in this life there’s some sort of good doubt, and this is utterly sweet living in.
How i hope these times had not passed…
Surety, however, comes.
This time, not close as sweet as the preceding wondering.
Why? I ask myself, struggling to find an answer.
Living in wondering and doubt is mostly so amazing. When things come to the concrete field, they either bring you deception or just merely stop being funny.
This is a rule of life, now i guess.
For me, the sweetness is gone, and I’m on the most bitter, sour moments of this year.
I was suddenly so close to my dreams, but yet pulled away by my left foot, so painfully.
I can’t reach it just yet.
Once again, I’m living on the uncertainty.
A bitter, agonising, painful uncertainty.
It all seems as if the colourful sunny sky of weeks ago was covered by dark, rainy clouds.
So I dress in green.
Green is for the power of nature. It’s for rebirth. It’s for hope.
Hope that it all will pass and I shall eventually be living my dreams, my life as I have planned it.
And dressed in green, I prayed and asked for Heaven’s help as I followed the Saint Virgin, Mother of God, through the streets on this very Sunday.
Yes, my Catholic roots show every now and then.
How I wish I’m protected and looked after right now.
Hopes and hopes. That’s what I cling to, so that I can still breathe.
Still dressed in green, I fold my sleeves and head onto the battle.
The war isn’t over, and I’m bound to win it.
It’s all just a storm.
It will be gone eventually.
And the sun will shine again.
Oh, dear reader, live to your best!
Have an amazing week.