Saturday, 6 November 2010

Clock stays still

And a new month starts off, declaring the final departure – until next autumn – of the chilly weather.
Sunny, deep blue sky took over, as well as the very well known torturing heat, which’s just on its very beginnings.
South hemisphere’s summer is definitely on its way.

More than that, though, this month is born having the responsibility to bear, all at once, every single dream and plan I once made for this year.

A few weeks ago, as reported on the previous post, my cards castle so carefully built for months suffered an apparent shake, so I had to rush to try getting everything into place.
I needed to save it, needed to save my life.

So I did every single thing at reach.

Investigations to details, a hand from angels walking on Earth, invisible radiation lights, long and deep breaths, prayers, a bit of sweet-smelling smoke and sleepless nights after, I can only say, by now, that at least I’m physically alright.

Health-wise, the night of the lost screams has apparently been just a (hard to forget) scary episode that might never occur again.
This is, in very few words, an immense relief.
Thanks God…

On the other fields of life, all that is left for me – for now – is the bitter wait.

Oh, this painful war…
The crossed fire is now over and the troops are back to the headquarters.
I was a soldier in this battle myself.
And I fought in green.

Analysis and accountings are now taking place somewhere, while I, still craving for the colours of rebirth, hold a picture of a sweet life close to my heart, clinging to my dreams and my faith.

Moreover, it is my utter despair to scream it's all a question of the simples, purest Justice.
Justice is only one thing, unexplainable but fully understood by its simple mention.
And this is exactly the same Justice I've chosen to dedicate my life to reach.
Imagining a picture of having this dream taken away from my arms is just wholly unfair, in a way I'm just lost for words to describe.
Such an unfair scenario is something that truly leads me to total perplexity, but at the same time gives me the surety that I did my best - and this something no one will ever take from me.

Oh Divine Justice, shall not Thou let me down.

And the clock seems to linger at every second mark.

My skin itches, my back hurts.
Every little thing is a sign. Every ritual broken might mean a huge disaster – OCD starts to show, stronger than ever.

But I, rather obviously, ought to keep my cool, kill time and get my mind somewhere else - let’s plan an empty trip, let’s hang out with a stranger, let’s play silly, let’s read a blank book.

And the clock continues to stays still.

There’s not a lot I can do right now, I guess, other than living for the moment.

You can call me spoiled, you can call me unthankful.
If that’s fair for you, it’s ok for me.
I surely am, however, deeply aware of all the blessings I’ve been sent, and terribly thankful for each one of them.
Life is surely wonderful and there isn’t a bit I could complain of.

Still, it’s not my fault – I believe – if I happened to be born with this insistent itch to always keep moving, keep walking (or why not running) and never let the journey stop.

In the end, in a very Kylie's fashion, I just want tomorrow to be better than today.

And I light a candle for this dream.

Dear reader, might your tomorrow be better than today.
Have a great weekend!