Wednesday 26 March 2008

Boys will be boys

Long conversations with that known friend have been one of my current favourite leisure activities.
Every single detail, history, opinion is taken to free levels of understanding, in which my mind floats, jumping and soaring upon possibilities.

Paid exchanges are also included. This particular one has made me reflect a little deeper.

In order to get a history of my unleashed, some hidden dirt should go out from behind the carpet.

Moving back to a recent party, prior to the one I attended, a boy was free.

Boys will be boys, and they'll hide behind the doors.
It's a men's matter.
Tear up your mask and become a man.

On his knees, he's done the dirty work.

You've never told me a single thing about that.

He's not sorry. I don't ever know enough.

Furthermore, a revelation to a friend of his, already aware, since a fairytale has been told out to the world.

He's not concerned about image, reputation, social network or even economic position of his partner.
Shall we have a conversation? They've never touched lips, but that's not necessary at all – the story would be told anyway.

I've never created such a tale, neither would I! – Dignity is something I ought to keep forever.
What a shame – that might as well get me a more sophisticated position on public opinion.
As you can see, my wishes coming true are irrelevant.

Now I nearly see myself as an instrument to take someone higher and higher.

Now I watch from afar and sadly, yet outstandingly delighted conclude: it's not a world I belong to. It's not a world worth having me in. J


 

Cheers!

Monday 17 March 2008

Red hot lines

A friend welcomed back.

Long conversations as we'd never drifted apart, and for the first time I found the memories of the last December somehow smiling at me.

I do try to keep myself as restrained as possible, but my counterpart insists on taking my curiosity rather deeper than it should ever go.

It's been feeling really nice to have those funny red hot lines written again, really.
The problem is that I've just realised that the borderline between the fraternal love and the burning flames is rather thin and fragile.
Now I've been wondering how long I will resist to the spell of desire innocently cast at me.

I definitely don't want to get deeply involved again.

A deep breath.
A cold bath.
A fish sandwich and a cup of tea for dinner.

Ready to stare at it again, ain't I?

While I'm writing it, I'm dealing with these hard matters, even the other one, not the subject of this post.

Currently, I'm on an approach to find the winner's face, I don't actually know why.
Maybe to get my doubts satisfied, maybe to make some comparison, maybe to address my some kind of hate.

Anyway, whoever the winner is, I owe him somewhat of a deep respect.

And let us have a nice week!


 

:)

Tuesday 11 March 2008

Runaways

Strange how many parts of my life are normally planned, scheduled. Rarely something happens unexpectedly, but while surprises can be not as nice as heaven, now and then I've been graced by some piece of sky silently waiting for me right on the next corner.

This is, however, not the case of the most recent events.

Weekend normally brings up the most tedious feelings on me. It has rarely brought some delightful surprises, but this last one has been barely nice, I'd say.
Nothing happened then; things were just transferred to the following monday.

The day went rather normally. There really was a bit of excitement, but nothing strong enough to avoid me paying attention to important tasks of mine.
Believe me, that was impressing. Normally I'd have my mind strictly stuck to the future, unable to accept the slow passing of the day.
I'd even say it's no fun without that bit of excitement.

Well, while the sun was soaring upon us from east to west, I was soaring upon a possibility, trying to make everything as perfect as possible.

Time went really fast, and the day passed gently. I had accepted the idea that I might not have anything different on that Monday.
Simultaneously, I was feeling like living an witching hour.

Suprisingly, the sign came.

Without saying goodbye I ran away.
Got into the first welcoming stranger's car, and ran away.

Runaways on the darkest road.

From my much-limited experience I've learnt that there is nothing better than the very lasts minutes of dignity.
When the lights are turned up again, everything feels as one more.

But it has all been nice, really nice.
I was the controller. I could handle the situation.

Possible to get my wished done. Impossible to come up for some air.

While it was supposed to be a common fly up to the sky, I was merely watching the travel.
And suprisingly it felt nice.
I could keep myself protected by shame covers, not exposed with intern shame.
I guess this was the best part.

After that, no much words, no much of what I really appreciate.

My bed hasn't even felt alone since then.

Again, just a bit of free and scheduled delicious fun, opening the week, closing the past.

Sunday 9 March 2008

Dignity

Vacations are over.
University is back again,
and summer is on its last breaths.
I've felt this was the perfect time for me to move ahead onto the next steps of my existence.

Updated my self-publicity and then been acting like every move is the last one for some time.

Yesterday saw the happening of something that I do believe to be some kind of sign.
My then turned-off ray of light apparently fooled me into fully shining once again in front of my eyes.
After accepting the fact that I didn't have where to go, we were able to kindly smile at each other again, and also get updated about each other.

I suddenly remembered how fun it all has been, and decided to accept the free friendship I've been offered since the not-that-nice events of late 2007.
We resumed the acquaintance, in a friendship we should have never tried to step any further from.

This could all have been just a coincidence... But I can see through the simplistic smoke. I think it was some kind of "karma" I had to solve before making any move ahead.

Another interesting fact was something really wrong I've done yesterday.

I'm not good at accepting a "no", especially when given with absolutely no sense of politeness, so I simply followed simple steps, and got my soul washed... with blood.
Delightful, yet totally sick. I've seen some despair, but hopefully it's made someone learn some good lessons.

LOL

Well, both facts, I'd say, were things I've done in order to get a dignified ending to this phase of my life.

And given the part of the year we are now, and some things that appear to be shaping up for me to move on, I guess the following weeks will witness some slights (and why not radical) changes on my overall lifestyle and on my intern self as well.


 

Nice week!

Thursday 6 March 2008

Turn back the time!

This week was supposed, I guess, to bring a varied range of news and surprises. And if I'm thinking right, it has definitely succeeded.

It has, however, apparently followed a single guideline – nothing is so bad that can't get worse.

Working systems were desperately twisted, and to compensate idle moments, new ideas were implemented.
My view changed immediately so much that I didn't find the old way that dizzying anymore...

Academic life, just to vary a little, has gone even more menacing. I spent the whole last year wishing to get rid of dreadfully boring moments, but now that I've gotten it, changes have made things even worse.
Just like on work, the past situation now echoes infinitely more comforting when it comes to mind.

Terrible coincidence, uh?

Talking about past... I have said Uruguaiana is a terribly small city, haven't I? Well, everyday I'm proved more and more wrong – things are even worse.

Back to some years ago, I had a 4-days-long crush on an eventual, although candidly gorgeous girl, at a certain place, on scheduled nights.
Glitter, lights, music, summer... Eyes to eyes, but nowhere else.
End... end?

Much deeper back in past, a unique party on my garden. A dance number, and my partner was having a small childish attraction on me, nevertheless I've just discovered this.

Now, 2008, points have come together. The close summer girl and the deep past dance partner are the same girl, sister of one of my best friends.

We'd normally say "what a small world". I say "What a tiny rather small city!".

And, also, can't we turn back the time?

Tuesday 4 March 2008

...And we're back to the runnin'

Vacations are over!
And shouldn't you take the exclamation mark as a sign of joyful excitement ;)

Yesterday college re-started, and there I was.
So nice to see old friendly faces. So not-that-nice to see some undesired new faces. But that's sooo not important.
Secretly I'd been expecting for the comeback, still I was finding it extremely nerd of me. But it's planted on me, this appreciation of being a student; somehow it kind of denotes youth, a full life ahead, and I like being in such a condition.

A welcome concert, and everyone unpolitely being indie - and being indie is being hype.
And soon before I could be the last one standing, I decided I should also take the hype fashion to my heart.

Back home, a fulminant sleepiness.

Since now I'm busy at night, my schedule is definitely full, and this means I'm not getting as much sleep as I normally do (do I get much?).
Bad moods and great moments of beloved stress await me soon ahead, but this time, weirdly, I'm not afraid nor despaired.
It is, I'd say, a consequence of my natural evolvement and my current guidelines - Let's not take things that hard. Just do things right and everything will fall into place.
Brazilian way anyone?

Other fields...
I'm kind of disappointed.
My oh-so-looked-forward dreams may not come true as fast as I've dreamt, what will force me to make some new efforts to get my wishes come true.
Sad.
Weird how can a part of a percent affect me directly twice and so bad.
.
.
.

Wish me a nice back-to-school, I mean, back-to-college!
:)