Wednesday 13 February 2008

A name written everywhere

Carnival is over, cinders extinguished, hangovers healed... 2008 started.

No, I haven't partied any on this year's carnival, but even for the most alienated ones the overall mood change as the parties are over is crystalline clean.

Getting started...

Last week I went back home by feet. I do know
I should do that more often; I just don't because I'm quitting some vices, so I need to take it easy with my body. Well that's not the point.
What I need to register here are the coincidences. I was walking on an absolutely not unknown places and streets, and still I felt that strange need to look at where I don't normally care staring at.
Millions of papers flying by my side, and I've only seen one name. Glow.
I looked at a random place, and still my eyes were automatically magnetised to that single point. So many names soaring quietly and still, and I was "lucky" enough to get myself randomly looking at that one.
No much to do but draw a shy smile on my face, congratulating and wishing luck inside.

A few days later, on my weekend lazy activities, I've found the usual traces of old shy stares, and there it was. The name. What was it wanting this time? "How do you do"? Impossible to know, irresistible to ask, extremely better –for many reasons – to remain quiet, and silently stared back. For the first time I've found the view disgusting. Is this a major sign of a cure?

Well, although I am healed of old passionate feelings – as mentioned some times on this very same blog –, this subject still touches me somehow.
I'm feeling haunted by my should-be-forgotten past, but definitely not annoyed. It's nice trying to guess intentions, meanings and overall futures.
In the end, every game is the greatest when you eventually get to learn how to play it.

On the other sides...

The dark sea is still standing there. Well, guess I've always named it right. Seas don't usually move, what else could I expect?
And since it's a complete unnavigable mystery, I preferred not to go any deeper and give up. Not that I don't want my promised pearls – it's just that I've got a whole world to worry about, and this aquatic games were only getting me stressed.
I've already lost hair enough.

Black hair, brown hair, blonde hair... The ocean-blue-eyed one has lost its colours. No more pink, no more deep blue. Just grey clouds dreadfully soaring upon some twisted feelings.
And even though the landscape is depressing, I am absolutely thankful. Amongst all the shadows I see a heart trying to please someone who's not actually been worth of such concerns.
I know that sometimes I ask too much, and I recognise that sometimes I couldn't stand myself... And still I get all this consideration.
How immensely thankful I'm feeling. Really.
Wish I felt comfortable enough to thank every single thing I've received. Some things, however, are much more beautiful when left unsaid.

If you ever read this... Thank you.

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