Thursday 7 February 2008

Watched 24x7

Living on a small town has its advantages. You can go from one side to the other on a matter of minutes, and you are hardly concerned about being late.


And when you're walking from extreme to extreme, you always walk on the same streets and see the same people. You'd recognize their faces anywhere, and so would they about you.

You slowly start to get acknowledged. Your name is no mistery.
Points are revealed and oppositive lines converge to same place, creating wonderfully suprising - and scary, as well - webs.

Last holiday ventures on faces-free club went as terrible and amusing as always.
Same names, same objectives. Brilliantly boring - one more try.

I've made, again, the same mistake of always: I've played too open.
My life's dossie popped up in front of me, to my disgusting pleasure.
It all felt absurdly horripilant - but also suprisingly exciting.
I've felt completely surrounded and full-time watched.
As I've said to myself many times before, there's always a billion stars shining upon you, and this is no cosmic subject.

Suddenly I was in Big Brother.
Every single move watched. Every single breath accompanied. Every single person a detective.

There have been no confirmations. Only fake promises, reviving my fire.
I've been left alone.

On the following day, I've felt no paranoia. Amazing how I simply ignore it all.
This is my life filosophy - take it easy, live's a joke, and good jokes are only those that make you at least let out a shy smile.

Deep inside I know that nothing of this is good. I don't want to be the protagonist of the next hot new gossip. I don't want to live in tongues.
I just want to stay anonymous. I don't want to lose my intimacy.

...And people ask me why I'm urging to leave.

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