Wednesday, January 2nd 2008
Such an important and long-awaited day this one.
My blood pressure was high. Excitement, anxiety.
Every single detail extensively planned.
I was ready.
Steps, steps, buildings, buildings, and there was I.
Purely blue ocean looking at me. I was feeling home.
Hours of nonstoping occasional subjects and walking through the unknown.
Five gifts I had to give. Four taken, the least important ones. It doesn't matter, and it never will.
The fifth gift, my soul, devoted day after day, word after word, whisper after whisper..
Refused.
In the exact same way it has happened before. Fucking déjà vu. It's a nightmare coming all over again.
Months and months simply thrown away. All I can see now is an amount of wasted time.
One more bet lost, one more opportunity lost.
Words thrown to the air, lost in the air.
I just can't be no-one's #1.
I went back home completely lost. The ground was taken away. I felt like falling.
Both accidentally and intentionally I got lost on the big town, on the metropolis.
Wanted to breathe some air, wanted to walk through the unknown.
Eventually I've found the way.
My heart still hasn't.
Now I feel like quitting all this.
I guess I'm better focus on myself. Be my own #1.
I'm not worth all this suffering.
I'm no good boy, I'm no bad boy.
I'm Looh, Luxer, whatever you want to call - My owner.
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